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*xToulax

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About Me Premium Member Mad Scientist Toula15/Female/United States Recent Activity Deviant for 2 Years
11 Month Premium Membership Statistics 102 Deviations
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He wants your socks. |:

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I've been suprised by reactions about the whole Obama Peace Prize thing and was wondering, Do you think Obama deserves the Nobel Peace Prize? 

33%
5 deviants said Yes
33%
5 deviants said No
33%
5 deviants said No! (Give a well educated and thought out explanation)
0%
No deviants said Yes! (Give a well educated and thought out explanation)
12 comments, Previous Polls

You came to save my soul, did you not?

Journal Entry: Wed Nov 18, 2009, 2:15 PM

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IRL bffl c:

:iconcarolinexcannible:




The title is a line from The Crucible

So I thought I'd explain myself a little. You all hear me preaching love and joy but I assure you, I am human too and I do have things that I need help with. I don't think you guys have really heard much about my life and who I am so I guess it's my turn. This is not a rant, it's a story of my feelings written to my journal. Feel free to follow along :]

I guess I'll start with my last picture. There's really not much to say though. There are just some people that, when they walk in the room, they make me smile and open up the day. I love that feeling and I often think it's one of the strongest things that pushes me onward on a bad day. I just wish there was a way I could tell these people how much they mean.

The last few months I have felt some of the most difficult physical and emotional pains I think I've felt (don't get me wrong though, I have a wonderful life and fully appreciate it). The physical is my doing but it's for something I've needed my whole life so it doesn't bother me that much. The emotional is a different story. I've become paranoid about people and have to analyze every bit of them. Not in a way that's judging. It's to understand why they don't see what I do and realize all the unnecessary things they do. I've just become frustrated instead of accepting them. I'm working on that though. I guess I need to trace things backwards and find a point where I am comfortable with me and everyone else.

What's really been bothering me though is that I have no more sanctuary to get away from people and school and issues with people at school. Even from family. Every private place I had is now gone except for my mind. There are ears and eyes everywhere and I feel like I want to just break down. It's my fault too. (And I don't mean you, Caroline, i'm glad your on here :])But I led others to these places whether I meant to or not and now I feel like a television set to provide entertainment. What I feel is just completely broken and exposed. Which brings me back to my first point. There are some people that bring me back together when they walk in the room. And yet they don't even know it.

Lately, no matter how much my day sucks, I go to bed feeling happy. I don't know why or how it happens but it feels like this dark nothingness has been lifted of my eyes like they were shut. I'm really grateful for that. So this was not meant to be an angry or sad entry although I am a little of both. It was really to just get all of these feelings down.

I'd like to finish on a more cheerful subject though :] . My life will not be complete until I have taken Hang gliding lessons and own my own to fly. So I hope you guys join me someday. Flying is my dream sharing it with some of my best friends would make it all the more amazing :heart:

So I don't know. Have fun I guess :]
:hug:

5 Comments | Previous Journal Entries
  • Mood: Content
  • Playing: Bring me to Life on piano(or atleast trying toxD)
  • Eating: raw pasta
Skin by ~psychol-bob (modified by *xToulax)

deviantID

Don't forget to smile!! I did in this photo >.>

PEACE MAKES THE WORLD GO WHOOSHHHH

Devious Info

  • Current Residence: ...massachusetts. WHUTididntsaythat.
  • Favourite movie: Donnie Darko
  • Favourite band or musician: U2, Green Day, and Red Hot Chili Peppers
  • Favourite genre of music: Different rock styles
  • Favourite artist: Everybody
  • Operating System: Windows Vista
  • MP3 player of choice: Ipod Nano
  • Wallpaper of choice: FISHES
  • Favourite game: Squish the Bug(not literally))
  • Favourite cartoon character: Invader Zim
  • Personal Quote: BRING IT.

Visitors

Comments


:iconcarolinexcannible:
~carolinexcannible 14 hours 22 minutes ago
FGH TXIURXFGCMG GET YER ASS ONLINE!!!!

--
nothing can be fully understood, not even the simplest of things. not even this
:iconcarolinexcannible:
~carolinexcannible 1 day 13 hours ago
THEYS MAKIN A BOONDOX SAINTS SEQUEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
:bump: :crazy: :bounce: :spin: :w00t!: :omg: :jawdrop: :faint: :eyepopping: :psychotic: :teevee: :turbopoke:

--
nothing can be fully understood, not even the simplest of things. not even this
:iconxtoulax:
*xToulax 1 day 10 hours ago
hahaha I know

--
If you click this, you will be devoured. No Joke. No, it's not a link to my profile. I'm telling you NOT to click it. I WILL eat you. [link]
:iconcarolinexcannible:
~carolinexcannible 1 day 9 hours ago
FGHYFOLTUFVLTFU

--
nothing can be fully understood, not even the simplest of things. not even this
:iconrhiannonjo:
~RhiannonJo 3 days 12 hours ago
I founded you!
:D
...you prolly don't remember meee.... buuut I'm Skellington from TLKFAA.
Lol.

--
~is invisible...
:iconxtoulax:
*xToulax 3 days 8 hours ago
AHH OMG YAY!
YES I remember you C:
I have to watch you now! :noes:

and thanks for the watch <3

--
If you click this, you will be devoured. No Joke. No, it's not a link to my profile. I'm telling you NOT to click it. I WILL eat you. [link]
:iconrhiannonjo:
Mood: Joy ~RhiannonJo 3 days 8 hours ago
...I feel like I'm being watched. O.O *looks around*

Lol, you're welcome. ^-^

So how've you been!?

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~is invisible...
:iconxtoulax:
*xToulax 1 day 10 hours ago
Lol x]

I've been good! This school year has been a little tough but I'm taking each day as they come. It's been insanely busy though :[
How about you?!

--
If you click this, you will be devoured. No Joke. No, it's not a link to my profile. I'm telling you NOT to click it. I WILL eat you. [link]
:iconrhiannonjo:
~RhiannonJo 1 day 10 hours ago
I've been okay. Yeah, school hasn't been the greatest here, either, and I've been having friend issues - of course, but oh well.
Lol.
I've been somewhere inbetween. 1-2 weeks I have no free time then for the next month I have nothing, lol.
It all depends.
xD

--
~is invisible...
:iconlawlnicoleface:
~Lawlnicoleface Nov 17, 2009, 8:25:44 PM
Thank you for the watch!:3
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